The Gift of Giving

Lately, a shift in focus has prompted lots of conversation between us about what is really important around this time of year. Yesterday, we delivered gifts to the family we were sponsoring. While we struggled with language, navigating to a rural area of Poland about 1.5 hours away from home with no clearly marked roads, and time constraints, it was well worth it.

After not being able to get a volunteer from the Warsaw Mission to accompany us, which was a bit frustrating, we decided to do it ourselves because we did not want to disappoint the family. I found a website that translated English to Polish fairly well and was able to write down some key phrases to use.

Our journey took place on a one lane road leading from Warsaw to a northern rural area of Poland, Wyzogrod-Rebowo about 75 miles/ 1.5 hours away from home. We had an address and the directions were basically to take the road out of Warsaw towards Wyzogrod. Make a left towards Rebowo and after we pass a graveyard/cemetery, make a left and follow the road for a few minutes until we reach the house. This area was nothing but farmland. We tried to get more specific directions through ViaMichelin(Europe’s version of Mapquest), but they don’t provide specific directions of rural areas. So, when we got to the general area, we were lost. I called the Warsaw Mission and they really could not provide more specifics. The Cat in the Hat was literally turning down every farm road in the area trying to find the house. I told him to stop so that I could ask for directions (you know how men have trouble with this!). One person communicated through gestures how to get to the road about 5 km away. We followed directions and went down the road (a dirt road, might I add), but could not find any markers to indicate the correct address.

We went back to the main road and the Cat turned off into another direction. I saw these three men (our Three Wise Men, if you will) working in a farm and we pulled over to ask them. They tried to explain and even drew a map, but they insisted on letting them take us there. They saw the name of the family and they knew of them. They drove us up to the house. As we were driving, we got some money together to give them something for their trouble, with our American mentality that you don’t do something for nothing. But, when we offered them money they refused to take it. They didn’t even want to shake the Cat’s hand because their hands were dirty from manual labor they were engaged in. the Cat insisted on shaking their hands and they went back to work. We tend to have a mentality that unless you volunteer, people do not do anything without expecting something in return, yet those men took time off their work to go out of their way to help us and expected nothing.

At the address we were given, an elderly man came to the gate. I tried to tell him that we were here to see the family, but he did not understand. I called the Mission and had them translate. He was the grandfather for the two boys. The family actually lived on another farm house down the dirt road we had initially gone to. The boys’ aunt got in the car with us and guided us there. Once we got there, we met the boys’mom. The father was working (he’s a gas station attendant). The older boy was not home, the youngest was asleep. The house reminded me of some of the homes I had visited when I worked in Baltimore and Washington. They had the bare minimum. The house was run down and you could smell mold. Thing 1 commented “Daddy, they really don’t have very much.” I’m glad the family did not speak English at that point.

We gave her the toys for the kids, some clothing for the older boy, diapers for the younger one, candy, cookies and other Christmas treats and about $100 USD for them to purchase food and other necessities for their family. We also donated some clothes Thing 1 outgrew in the past month to the younger boy. She showed us pictures of the kids and of her 4 year old daughter who died this past year. She cried and I got emotional as well. I felt like I could relate to her because while we have different circumstances she, like any parent in this world, wants to be able to give their children everything they can. How do you do that when you have nothing to give? Her tears were a mixture of joy, relief and sadness. Joy and relief in knowing that her children would have a Christmas, sadness in knowing that she and her husband could not provide this for them and that their daughter was unable to share in it.

Both boys have pulmonary problems (no surprise, if you saw the environment). I’m unsure whether it was asthma or allergies, but I asked what medications they were taking when I initially learned of this. Both of the boys took Pulmicort, which Thing 1 was also taking until this past summer. I have tons of boxes of unused medications because he switched to an inhaler. So, I verified that this was indeed the medication they took and donated some of it to them now and will be giving them the rest when our household effects arrive next month.

As an FYI, the Polish healthcare system is state-financed through the National Health Fund (NFZ), to which everyone working in Poland is required to contribute. Employee contributions are deducted direct from salaries by employers, while the self-employed are required to make their own contributions direct to the NFZ. People who are covered by the national health insurance system, and their dependents, are entitled to free primary health care, specialist out-patient care, hospital treatment, dental treatment and ambulance transport. I’m unsure how this would apply to children, but from the mother’s reaction when she saw the medicine, it seems that this specific medication may be costly to them. So, hopefully, our supply will see them through for at least 6 months.

Come Christmas morning, my house will double as Toys R Us. We have a large extended family and some people (you know who you are) don’t just send one gift (I’ve been guilty of this as well). While I appreciate the thought and the gifts we receive from our family and friends, I feel that something is terribly wrong when my son continues to ask for stuff, stuff that he doesn’t even take good care of because he thinks that the toy river will continue to flow if something breaks or gets lost. When I see that his self image is mixed in with what he has, it bothers me greatly. It worries me that he will be unhappy in life if he tries to find happiness in things.

We struggle between the desire of every parent to give them everything they desire and the obligation to teach them that while we can give them what they need, they can’t have everything they want. We try to teach them this in the midst of a culture that tells you that you “need” all this stuff. We are not rich, but even being in a comfortable financial situation can be a curse simply because you have the means. I hate to say no to him especially when I can easily grant his wish, but I find myself doing it more and more. If we didn’t have the money, the answer would be easy. Sometimes it’s easier to go without than to have too much of anything.

So, on that note, I encourage you to look into volunteer opportunities like this if you don’t already volunteer. Better yet, involve your children and make it a family activity. There are even family volunteer vacations. Recently, I heard of a family who traveled to Romania to hold babies in an orphanage over the last Christmas holiday. Its little things like this that mean so much to babies that are not held as often as they should or at all.

You also do not have to wait until Christmas either. People have needs that need to be met all year round. If your kids have an allowance, teach them to save some of it for charity. Within the culture in which our children are growing up, I believe it is our duty as parents to balance what the media feeds them with reality.  As you help another human being, you begin to realize that you could easily be that mother, father or child in those circumstances. In the end, the people you help impact your life as much if not more in a way that changes your life and world view.
Enjoy your holidays and count your blessings.