Valentine's Day

It came as quite a surprise to find that Poland celebrates Valentines Day. It actually seems more popular that Halloween is at this time. I asked around to see how you say Happy Valentine's Day! Well, there is no translation for this in Polish. People will say "Happy Valentine's Day" to each other in English. Thing 1's teacher told me that Valentine's Day has only been celebrated in Poland for the past 5 years and that they borrowed the holiday from the US. Well, for only celebrating for 5 years they go all out. Cards, candy, stufed animals, and flowers galore! Even Valentine's Gift Wrap!

In contrast, Halloween is still developing a following. Poland celebrates Carnival season which started earlier this month. That's sort of like Halloween in that people dress up in costumes and go to all kinds of parties, but there is no trick or treating. In fact, as I write, Poles are probably overindulging with food and drinks tonight since they celebrate "Fat Thursday" instead of "Fat Tuesday" as a prelude to Lent. I guess it takes them a week to get over their indulgence before Ash Wednesday. I attended one of these Carnival festivals in Madrid a few years ago. While it gets crazy, I doubt it compares to Mardi Gras.

Aspects of the Foreign Service Lifestyle

Now that we are getting ready to travel back to the States, reality is kind of catching up with me. I am looking forward to visiting with friends and family of course. But, I have heard much said that coming back home is sometimes more difficult than moving abroad. I have some suspicions about this phenomena.

Foreign Service life is like living in a bubble. No matter where you are in the world (I have had others share stories of their lives in other countries), you get set up in a sizable home depending on where you go. Each house is secured like a fortress and in some locations, guards are employed to keep you safe. Maids, nannies, gardeners, drivers, are a normal way of life. And not just someone who comes in once in a while. In some countries, you have a live in maid or nanny that pretty much runs your household for you.

There is a reason for it. Without the household staff, life would be much more difficult. Think about it. In the States, you may have to clean your own home, do your own laundry, shop for your own groceries, but chances are you are not trying to immerse yourself in a new culture, environment and language at the same time. Socially, you have to start from scratch and make new friends when you are abroad. This never stops because once you have established a friendship with someone, chances are they are leaving the post within the year.

You do tend to save lots of money when you accept these assignments. We did pay off alot of bills with the sale of our house last year, but we still have some of the same bills. The difference is that usually, goods and services in many places are cheaper and if they are not, the government adds a cost of living allowance (COLA) that adjusts to the strength of our dollar in any given country every pay period. We also find that we pay cash for almost everything here. Since you really can't charge alot of things, you end up saving. We'll see how true this is when spring arrives and we start traveling.

I have managed to temper my desire for assistance since I know that eventually, the clock will strike midnight, the ball will be over and I will have to go back to doing household chores myself. What will be very difficult to do for the two weeks being home is the the fact that I will now be responsible for my own laundry. To me, laundry piling up is as certain as death and taxes and as dreaded. Washing isn't necessarily tedious, but having to fold so many clothes...I hate it. You think you have lots of laundry as a single person. Then, it goes up when you marry. Add a couple of kids and you literally find yourself doing laundry round the clock. It never stops. At first, I was not going to have our housekeeper do laundry. But, one day she went ahead and washed some clothing and did a great job. She does about 3-4 loads while she is here in addition to the towels and bedding. I don't know how she does it all in one day.

Our housekeeper has been a blessing to us. Not just because she cleans our house and does our laundry. She is a very descent and kind person. The Cat and I like her and the kids like her very much. Despite the language barrier, we find a way to understand each other. I only wish that I could speak more Polish because I would love to get to know her more. When we come back, she is going to start coming over once a week to take care of the children in the evening so the Cat and I can go out. I feel very at ease with her and the kids seem to be very comfortable with her. Kids seem to have keener instincts sometimes. It will be difficult to find someone like her when we move back to the States.

Polish Advertising

I have tried very hard in the last couple of years to prevent Thing 1 from watching live TV. My reason for this is commercials that target kids making them think that they need lots of stuff (food, toys, etc). So, he has an extensive video collection to choose from (even then I have to skip the advertising in the previews). With the toys that are developed nowadays for every movie or cartoon, I figure that it's more than enough advertising for him.

Poland is no different of course. The children's channels run commercials for all kinds of things like candy and toys, etc. The Polish cartoons have toys marketed for them as well. Products sold in stores (cereals, candy, and other junk) usually have characters (Disney, Shrek, Looney Tunes on them).

Looney Tunes characters are on the orange juice and apple juice boxes that I send with Thing 1 to school. Each juice has it's own character, for example Bugs Bunny is on OJ, Daffy Duck is on apple juice,and Taz is on peach flavored juice (weird - I know). The milk boxes have a cute elephant on it (why not a cow - I don't know), but they don't have as much appeal.

Anyway, the other day, the store was out of the Looney Tunes juice boxes that he drinks. He is so picky that he knows which characters he will "drink," so I have no other options. I bought him apple and orange juice boxes that had pictures of the fruit so that he would not suspect that he was getting anything different. He had no problem with the apple juice, but with the OJ, he said that it tasted different. Mind you, both these and the Looney Tunes boxes are made by the same manufacturer. The OJ boxes kept coming back from school unopened. He wanted some OJ one Saturday morning , but not from the juice box. He said he wanted me to pour some out of the bottle that we buy for home.

So I sent him off while I prepared his juice. I decided to see if he could even tell the difference if I poured the juice in the box into a regular cup as if it came from the bottle. Well, he didn't. He took one sip, said it was delicious (yes, he speaks this way) and drank the whole thing. Baffling, but quite interesting finding.

European Petrol Stations and Polish Jokes

Petrol/Gas Stations here in Poland are something else.

First, attendants still pump your gas for you here. They also add washer fluid to your car if needed. Second, stations are not equipped for paying at the pump with a debit card. Third, and probably most interesting, the people who work in the shop/sklep are all clean cut and dressed in long sleeve dress shirts and ties. The station was closed the other day for inventory. I have never heard of something like that before. And my most amusing petrol station observation: in addition to your usual soft drinks and beer, they sell Polish vodka behind the counter. The drinking age here is 18.

This brings me to another conclusion...all those Polish jokes you hear about Poles being stupid are not really true. For the most part, most Poles are fairly intelligent and competent individuals - at least the ones I have met. They may not have alot of high education, but they are socially intelligent and for the most part fairly descent people. So, I can only conclude that the subjects of these derogatory Polish jokes have to be drunk Poles. There are lots of them here. Even though the police are very strict about drunk driving, people do it anyway and there is always some story about it in the paper. I try not to go out too late because with their hazardous driving skills and proclivity for drinking, it can be disastrous.

The Cultural/Political Dichotomies between the US and Europe

There is a dissonance between European views of American Politics vs. American culture. Anywhere you go in Europe, you don’t have to venture far to see American influence in Europe. It is everywhere from the products, to the literature, films, etc. Yet if you have not lived in a European country recently you would not know this because the influence does not cut both ways.

Before we moved here we went nuts at the wholesale club purchasing items (mostly for the brand) that we certainly would not find here in Warsaw. What a shock it was to go into a store once we arrived and not only find products that we use, but to also find the very brand we like. We now kick ourselves for having spent all that money on stuff we could have easily found here.

At the local cinema here, 90% of the people purchasing tickets are going to see an American-made film. And unless it is a children’s film (cartoon), the film is played in its original language mostly English with subtitles in the country’s language. Same with cable TV. Unless what is being shown is made in Poland, I can switch from the Polish dubbed version to the original English version with a click of the remote.

Radio Stations may offer commentary in Polish, German, French, etc., but the music they primarily play is American. Yet, in America, if you browse your local radio stations, the closest thing to “European” music you may get is classical music born and bred n Europe. Before moving here, I knew of no European rock bands other than those coming out of the UK or Ireland which to me doesn’t really count since they all speak English. There are European rock bands, of course, just like the Japanese and Latin Americans have their own brand of rock, but the point is that other than Latin Rock (and that is by the mere fact that I am Hispanic), I have never been exposed to Japanese, Western or Eastern European rock bands before now. And even now, access is limited because most of the stuff on the radio is American rock/pop.

There used to be a time in history where most literature, music, and art coming out of Europe was given as much attention and interest as the same coming from the United States appears to be getting from Europeans at this time. In American schools (at least when I was in school) you read European literature, studied economics, physics and math based on principles developed by Europeans and learned to appreciate European musical and artistic genius. However, it is interesting to note that once you hit the 20th century, the focus on the European tends to diminish and is replaced by American philosophy, political thought, economics, literature, music, art, etc. It’s almost as if we appreciate what Europe has to offer historically, but then it stops and the focus shifts to what America has to offer.

In the United States, I have noticed that most Americans express little to no interest in foreign imports (other than food), yet here, foreign imports from America and Japan seem to be consumed in vast quantities. The interest in visiting Europe to an American lies mostly in the rich history and culture that Europe can provide. However, what we mostly seek in Europe is connection to the Old World, history that is inextricably linked to our own development as a nation. After all, Europeans were the ones to conquer America. Europeans were the ones to first establish colonies in America. We forget that there was a time when North America was primarily divided among the French, Spanish and British. Thus, Europe is part of our history and therefore most of us do have an interest in connecting with the past. Some may still have family living in the “old country.”

Being able to experience European culture and values in addition to my own, I feel that it would be valuable for students today to gain that kind of understanding of Europe. Maybe importing news from Europe or products would help expand the next generations world view. Can't hurt!

The Gift of Giving

Lately, a shift in focus has prompted lots of conversation between us about what is really important around this time of year. Yesterday, we delivered gifts to the family we were sponsoring. While we struggled with language, navigating to a rural area of Poland about 1.5 hours away from home with no clearly marked roads, and time constraints, it was well worth it.

After not being able to get a volunteer from the Warsaw Mission to accompany us, which was a bit frustrating, we decided to do it ourselves because we did not want to disappoint the family. I found a website that translated English to Polish fairly well and was able to write down some key phrases to use.

Our journey took place on a one lane road leading from Warsaw to a northern rural area of Poland, Wyzogrod-Rebowo about 75 miles/ 1.5 hours away from home. We had an address and the directions were basically to take the road out of Warsaw towards Wyzogrod. Make a left towards Rebowo and after we pass a graveyard/cemetery, make a left and follow the road for a few minutes until we reach the house. This area was nothing but farmland. We tried to get more specific directions through ViaMichelin(Europe’s version of Mapquest), but they don’t provide specific directions of rural areas. So, when we got to the general area, we were lost. I called the Warsaw Mission and they really could not provide more specifics. The Cat in the Hat was literally turning down every farm road in the area trying to find the house. I told him to stop so that I could ask for directions (you know how men have trouble with this!). One person communicated through gestures how to get to the road about 5 km away. We followed directions and went down the road (a dirt road, might I add), but could not find any markers to indicate the correct address.

We went back to the main road and the Cat turned off into another direction. I saw these three men (our Three Wise Men, if you will) working in a farm and we pulled over to ask them. They tried to explain and even drew a map, but they insisted on letting them take us there. They saw the name of the family and they knew of them. They drove us up to the house. As we were driving, we got some money together to give them something for their trouble, with our American mentality that you don’t do something for nothing. But, when we offered them money they refused to take it. They didn’t even want to shake the Cat’s hand because their hands were dirty from manual labor they were engaged in. the Cat insisted on shaking their hands and they went back to work. We tend to have a mentality that unless you volunteer, people do not do anything without expecting something in return, yet those men took time off their work to go out of their way to help us and expected nothing.

At the address we were given, an elderly man came to the gate. I tried to tell him that we were here to see the family, but he did not understand. I called the Mission and had them translate. He was the grandfather for the two boys. The family actually lived on another farm house down the dirt road we had initially gone to. The boys’ aunt got in the car with us and guided us there. Once we got there, we met the boys’mom. The father was working (he’s a gas station attendant). The older boy was not home, the youngest was asleep. The house reminded me of some of the homes I had visited when I worked in Baltimore and Washington. They had the bare minimum. The house was run down and you could smell mold. Thing 1 commented “Daddy, they really don’t have very much.” I’m glad the family did not speak English at that point.

We gave her the toys for the kids, some clothing for the older boy, diapers for the younger one, candy, cookies and other Christmas treats and about $100 USD for them to purchase food and other necessities for their family. We also donated some clothes Thing 1 outgrew in the past month to the younger boy. She showed us pictures of the kids and of her 4 year old daughter who died this past year. She cried and I got emotional as well. I felt like I could relate to her because while we have different circumstances she, like any parent in this world, wants to be able to give their children everything they can. How do you do that when you have nothing to give? Her tears were a mixture of joy, relief and sadness. Joy and relief in knowing that her children would have a Christmas, sadness in knowing that she and her husband could not provide this for them and that their daughter was unable to share in it.

Both boys have pulmonary problems (no surprise, if you saw the environment). I’m unsure whether it was asthma or allergies, but I asked what medications they were taking when I initially learned of this. Both of the boys took Pulmicort, which Thing 1 was also taking until this past summer. I have tons of boxes of unused medications because he switched to an inhaler. So, I verified that this was indeed the medication they took and donated some of it to them now and will be giving them the rest when our household effects arrive next month.

As an FYI, the Polish healthcare system is state-financed through the National Health Fund (NFZ), to which everyone working in Poland is required to contribute. Employee contributions are deducted direct from salaries by employers, while the self-employed are required to make their own contributions direct to the NFZ. People who are covered by the national health insurance system, and their dependents, are entitled to free primary health care, specialist out-patient care, hospital treatment, dental treatment and ambulance transport. I’m unsure how this would apply to children, but from the mother’s reaction when she saw the medicine, it seems that this specific medication may be costly to them. So, hopefully, our supply will see them through for at least 6 months.

Come Christmas morning, my house will double as Toys R Us. We have a large extended family and some people (you know who you are) don’t just send one gift (I’ve been guilty of this as well). While I appreciate the thought and the gifts we receive from our family and friends, I feel that something is terribly wrong when my son continues to ask for stuff, stuff that he doesn’t even take good care of because he thinks that the toy river will continue to flow if something breaks or gets lost. When I see that his self image is mixed in with what he has, it bothers me greatly. It worries me that he will be unhappy in life if he tries to find happiness in things.

We struggle between the desire of every parent to give them everything they desire and the obligation to teach them that while we can give them what they need, they can’t have everything they want. We try to teach them this in the midst of a culture that tells you that you “need” all this stuff. We are not rich, but even being in a comfortable financial situation can be a curse simply because you have the means. I hate to say no to him especially when I can easily grant his wish, but I find myself doing it more and more. If we didn’t have the money, the answer would be easy. Sometimes it’s easier to go without than to have too much of anything.

So, on that note, I encourage you to look into volunteer opportunities like this if you don’t already volunteer. Better yet, involve your children and make it a family activity. There are even family volunteer vacations. Recently, I heard of a family who traveled to Romania to hold babies in an orphanage over the last Christmas holiday. Its little things like this that mean so much to babies that are not held as often as they should or at all.

You also do not have to wait until Christmas either. People have needs that need to be met all year round. If your kids have an allowance, teach them to save some of it for charity. Within the culture in which our children are growing up, I believe it is our duty as parents to balance what the media feeds them with reality.  As you help another human being, you begin to realize that you could easily be that mother, father or child in those circumstances. In the end, the people you help impact your life as much if not more in a way that changes your life and world view.
Enjoy your holidays and count your blessings.

Christmas in Warsaw

“Thing 2! Those are not your toys, they are my toys.” “I’m not in a good mood, Thing 2 so stay away from my toys.” That’s what I heard this afternoon as Thing 1 (and now Thing 2) were “playing.” And so it begins. Our first Christmas with two children and the beginning of endless bickering to come. As I told Thing 1, the days of Thing 2 staying put are now over. Anything he feels is off limits he will have to take to his room.

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukah! Happy Kwanzaa! The holiday season has certainly been different for us here. After an early November snow, we have seen no snow since and like many of you we will be having a rainy Christmas. At 2pm today, Warsaw will shut down. Stores, banks, government, restaurants, theaters, etc. will remain closed until 12/27 since 12/26 (Boxing Day/Feast of St. Stephen) is celebrated here as well.

Throughout this month, I was struck by the difference in focus of the holidays here compared to the US. America has commercialized Christmas so profoundly that any meaning the holiday has is missing for many. I was surprised that I did not see many homes decorated with lights. However, every church I have passed this week (and there are lots of them) had people working on light displays. Some churches display live nativity scenes (animals included), and inside everything is decorated beautifully. The iconic commercial figure of the season, Santa, is nowhere to be found here unless you count St. Nicholas Day where children receive a gift in their stocking from their patron saint. There are no Santas in ANY mall. The only Santa the kids were able to meet this year were a Marine dressed up as Santa at the U.S. Marine House and another American in costume at Thing 1's preschool Christmas Party. Christmas here is a religious celebration centered on family which is what it should be when you think about it. The gift giving is an accessory to the holiday, not the main event. Food seems to be more important than gifts because more than the gift buying I have seen crazed people at the markets. Stores at the mall are not what is crowded, but more the stalls that sell sweets (addicting sugary confections that I made the mistake of tasting once – I haven’t been back to buy anymore since because they were too good).

This idea of shutting down for 3-4 days for the holiday is not exclusive to Poland. When we were in Germany for Christmas a few years ago, everything shut down there as well. When you think about it, by doing this everyone basically stays home spending time with family or visiting relatives. The holidays here truly strive to celebrate family unlike many of us American who strive to survive their families and get “through” Christmas. It’s not about the gifts here, but more about the birth of Christ and sharing meals, quality time with loved ones.

Celebration here begins on Christmas Eve with a traditional Polish Christmas meal, Wigilia. Here is an excerpt from the Mums and Tots newsletter describing this event:

“The tradition is to set an extra setting for the “stranger who may come calling.” Families sit down for dinner when they see “the first star in the sky” usually around 4pm. Before the feast, the family shares a Christmas wafer (that tastes like a Communion wafer) and wish each and every family member well in the New Year…..The meal consists of 12 dishes symbolizing the 12 apostles. Everything served is meatless although fish is allowed and traditionally it is a carp (a freshwater fish that is found in abundance in large tanks at every supermarket this time of year). Following the meal, Christmas carols are sung and gifts are exchanged. The evening is topped off by a walk to a nearby church for midnight mass (Paterska). On Christmas Day every church debuts an altar with the Nativity. Some are small and symbolic while others are elaborate with live animals in a stable outside.”

While Poland is a democracy that is actually modeled after the United States, the separation of church and state is hard to find here. There are other religions here, Judaism and Islam, like everywhere else. However, you wouldn’t know it if you did not look more closely.

Where in the United States, Christmas trees get taken down at airports because of a complaint by a Rabbi, here Catholicism is the religion of the land and nothing is taken down. No problems saying Merry Christmas here! People would probably look at you funny if you said Happy Holidays.

Ironically, just like in the US, you will see memorials to victims of car accidents on the side of the roads. And here, people light candles at these sites. Any cemetery you pass you will notice the many people that come here regularly to light candles at graves and place flowers at the sites. Same for memorials/statues for important Polish people. People come on a regular basis bearing flowers and candles. Along many roads you will see shrines/statues of the Virgin Mary, Saints, and Jesus. No matter what they say, you can tell that politics here are driven by religion.