The Gift of Giving

Lately, a shift in focus has prompted lots of conversation between us about what is really important around this time of year. Yesterday, we delivered gifts to the family we were sponsoring. While we struggled with language, navigating to a rural area of Poland about 1.5 hours away from home with no clearly marked roads, and time constraints, it was well worth it.

After not being able to get a volunteer from the Warsaw Mission to accompany us, which was a bit frustrating, we decided to do it ourselves because we did not want to disappoint the family. I found a website that translated English to Polish fairly well and was able to write down some key phrases to use.

Our journey took place on a one lane road leading from Warsaw to a northern rural area of Poland, Wyzogrod-Rebowo about 75 miles/ 1.5 hours away from home. We had an address and the directions were basically to take the road out of Warsaw towards Wyzogrod. Make a left towards Rebowo and after we pass a graveyard/cemetery, make a left and follow the road for a few minutes until we reach the house. This area was nothing but farmland. We tried to get more specific directions through ViaMichelin(Europe’s version of Mapquest), but they don’t provide specific directions of rural areas. So, when we got to the general area, we were lost. I called the Warsaw Mission and they really could not provide more specifics. The Cat in the Hat was literally turning down every farm road in the area trying to find the house. I told him to stop so that I could ask for directions (you know how men have trouble with this!). One person communicated through gestures how to get to the road about 5 km away. We followed directions and went down the road (a dirt road, might I add), but could not find any markers to indicate the correct address.

We went back to the main road and the Cat turned off into another direction. I saw these three men (our Three Wise Men, if you will) working in a farm and we pulled over to ask them. They tried to explain and even drew a map, but they insisted on letting them take us there. They saw the name of the family and they knew of them. They drove us up to the house. As we were driving, we got some money together to give them something for their trouble, with our American mentality that you don’t do something for nothing. But, when we offered them money they refused to take it. They didn’t even want to shake the Cat’s hand because their hands were dirty from manual labor they were engaged in. the Cat insisted on shaking their hands and they went back to work. We tend to have a mentality that unless you volunteer, people do not do anything without expecting something in return, yet those men took time off their work to go out of their way to help us and expected nothing.

At the address we were given, an elderly man came to the gate. I tried to tell him that we were here to see the family, but he did not understand. I called the Mission and had them translate. He was the grandfather for the two boys. The family actually lived on another farm house down the dirt road we had initially gone to. The boys’ aunt got in the car with us and guided us there. Once we got there, we met the boys’mom. The father was working (he’s a gas station attendant). The older boy was not home, the youngest was asleep. The house reminded me of some of the homes I had visited when I worked in Baltimore and Washington. They had the bare minimum. The house was run down and you could smell mold. Thing 1 commented “Daddy, they really don’t have very much.” I’m glad the family did not speak English at that point.

We gave her the toys for the kids, some clothing for the older boy, diapers for the younger one, candy, cookies and other Christmas treats and about $100 USD for them to purchase food and other necessities for their family. We also donated some clothes Thing 1 outgrew in the past month to the younger boy. She showed us pictures of the kids and of her 4 year old daughter who died this past year. She cried and I got emotional as well. I felt like I could relate to her because while we have different circumstances she, like any parent in this world, wants to be able to give their children everything they can. How do you do that when you have nothing to give? Her tears were a mixture of joy, relief and sadness. Joy and relief in knowing that her children would have a Christmas, sadness in knowing that she and her husband could not provide this for them and that their daughter was unable to share in it.

Both boys have pulmonary problems (no surprise, if you saw the environment). I’m unsure whether it was asthma or allergies, but I asked what medications they were taking when I initially learned of this. Both of the boys took Pulmicort, which Thing 1 was also taking until this past summer. I have tons of boxes of unused medications because he switched to an inhaler. So, I verified that this was indeed the medication they took and donated some of it to them now and will be giving them the rest when our household effects arrive next month.

As an FYI, the Polish healthcare system is state-financed through the National Health Fund (NFZ), to which everyone working in Poland is required to contribute. Employee contributions are deducted direct from salaries by employers, while the self-employed are required to make their own contributions direct to the NFZ. People who are covered by the national health insurance system, and their dependents, are entitled to free primary health care, specialist out-patient care, hospital treatment, dental treatment and ambulance transport. I’m unsure how this would apply to children, but from the mother’s reaction when she saw the medicine, it seems that this specific medication may be costly to them. So, hopefully, our supply will see them through for at least 6 months.

Come Christmas morning, my house will double as Toys R Us. We have a large extended family and some people (you know who you are) don’t just send one gift (I’ve been guilty of this as well). While I appreciate the thought and the gifts we receive from our family and friends, I feel that something is terribly wrong when my son continues to ask for stuff, stuff that he doesn’t even take good care of because he thinks that the toy river will continue to flow if something breaks or gets lost. When I see that his self image is mixed in with what he has, it bothers me greatly. It worries me that he will be unhappy in life if he tries to find happiness in things.

We struggle between the desire of every parent to give them everything they desire and the obligation to teach them that while we can give them what they need, they can’t have everything they want. We try to teach them this in the midst of a culture that tells you that you “need” all this stuff. We are not rich, but even being in a comfortable financial situation can be a curse simply because you have the means. I hate to say no to him especially when I can easily grant his wish, but I find myself doing it more and more. If we didn’t have the money, the answer would be easy. Sometimes it’s easier to go without than to have too much of anything.

So, on that note, I encourage you to look into volunteer opportunities like this if you don’t already volunteer. Better yet, involve your children and make it a family activity. There are even family volunteer vacations. Recently, I heard of a family who traveled to Romania to hold babies in an orphanage over the last Christmas holiday. Its little things like this that mean so much to babies that are not held as often as they should or at all.

You also do not have to wait until Christmas either. People have needs that need to be met all year round. If your kids have an allowance, teach them to save some of it for charity. Within the culture in which our children are growing up, I believe it is our duty as parents to balance what the media feeds them with reality.  As you help another human being, you begin to realize that you could easily be that mother, father or child in those circumstances. In the end, the people you help impact your life as much if not more in a way that changes your life and world view.
Enjoy your holidays and count your blessings.

Christmas in Warsaw

“Thing 2! Those are not your toys, they are my toys.” “I’m not in a good mood, Thing 2 so stay away from my toys.” That’s what I heard this afternoon as Thing 1 (and now Thing 2) were “playing.” And so it begins. Our first Christmas with two children and the beginning of endless bickering to come. As I told Thing 1, the days of Thing 2 staying put are now over. Anything he feels is off limits he will have to take to his room.

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukah! Happy Kwanzaa! The holiday season has certainly been different for us here. After an early November snow, we have seen no snow since and like many of you we will be having a rainy Christmas. At 2pm today, Warsaw will shut down. Stores, banks, government, restaurants, theaters, etc. will remain closed until 12/27 since 12/26 (Boxing Day/Feast of St. Stephen) is celebrated here as well.

Throughout this month, I was struck by the difference in focus of the holidays here compared to the US. America has commercialized Christmas so profoundly that any meaning the holiday has is missing for many. I was surprised that I did not see many homes decorated with lights. However, every church I have passed this week (and there are lots of them) had people working on light displays. Some churches display live nativity scenes (animals included), and inside everything is decorated beautifully. The iconic commercial figure of the season, Santa, is nowhere to be found here unless you count St. Nicholas Day where children receive a gift in their stocking from their patron saint. There are no Santas in ANY mall. The only Santa the kids were able to meet this year were a Marine dressed up as Santa at the U.S. Marine House and another American in costume at Thing 1's preschool Christmas Party. Christmas here is a religious celebration centered on family which is what it should be when you think about it. The gift giving is an accessory to the holiday, not the main event. Food seems to be more important than gifts because more than the gift buying I have seen crazed people at the markets. Stores at the mall are not what is crowded, but more the stalls that sell sweets (addicting sugary confections that I made the mistake of tasting once – I haven’t been back to buy anymore since because they were too good).

This idea of shutting down for 3-4 days for the holiday is not exclusive to Poland. When we were in Germany for Christmas a few years ago, everything shut down there as well. When you think about it, by doing this everyone basically stays home spending time with family or visiting relatives. The holidays here truly strive to celebrate family unlike many of us American who strive to survive their families and get “through” Christmas. It’s not about the gifts here, but more about the birth of Christ and sharing meals, quality time with loved ones.

Celebration here begins on Christmas Eve with a traditional Polish Christmas meal, Wigilia. Here is an excerpt from the Mums and Tots newsletter describing this event:

“The tradition is to set an extra setting for the “stranger who may come calling.” Families sit down for dinner when they see “the first star in the sky” usually around 4pm. Before the feast, the family shares a Christmas wafer (that tastes like a Communion wafer) and wish each and every family member well in the New Year…..The meal consists of 12 dishes symbolizing the 12 apostles. Everything served is meatless although fish is allowed and traditionally it is a carp (a freshwater fish that is found in abundance in large tanks at every supermarket this time of year). Following the meal, Christmas carols are sung and gifts are exchanged. The evening is topped off by a walk to a nearby church for midnight mass (Paterska). On Christmas Day every church debuts an altar with the Nativity. Some are small and symbolic while others are elaborate with live animals in a stable outside.”

While Poland is a democracy that is actually modeled after the United States, the separation of church and state is hard to find here. There are other religions here, Judaism and Islam, like everywhere else. However, you wouldn’t know it if you did not look more closely.

Where in the United States, Christmas trees get taken down at airports because of a complaint by a Rabbi, here Catholicism is the religion of the land and nothing is taken down. No problems saying Merry Christmas here! People would probably look at you funny if you said Happy Holidays.

Ironically, just like in the US, you will see memorials to victims of car accidents on the side of the roads. And here, people light candles at these sites. Any cemetery you pass you will notice the many people that come here regularly to light candles at graves and place flowers at the sites. Same for memorials/statues for important Polish people. People come on a regular basis bearing flowers and candles. Along many roads you will see shrines/statues of the Virgin Mary, Saints, and Jesus. No matter what they say, you can tell that politics here are driven by religion.

Super Nanny - NOT!

I interviewed a nanny this month. Let’s just say that the minute she entered our home, the smell of smoke permeated the air. Not exactly Mary Poppins! Call me picky, but I don’t like the idea of exposing the kids to second hand smoke if I don’t have too. We hired a housekeeper instead. She starts next week. As for the nanny, I think I’ll suck it up until next fall and then place Thing 2 in a preschool program 2-3 half days per week and we will be using the daughter of one of The Cat's co-workers (a mature 17 year old) to babysit if needed.

Interesting and amusing observations....

We have noticed more subtle differences during everyday life here. For one, cashiers at grocery stores are given seats instead of standing all day. I must say that we have noted that there is a mentality that they cannot do anything outside their job description. Even at US stores if you have to bag your groceries because they are shorthanded the cashier will usually help you along when she is done ringing up the sale. Here your child can be screaming in the cart and there is no one behind you, but they just sit there filing their nails.

We went to a Pizza Hut in a mall the other day and did not find one checkered table cloth. Instead it was more of an upscale eatery or bistro. Very modern looking, dimly lit, tables/booths in a chocolate brown color. The menu offered not only pizza, but also things like stuffed mushrooms and different pastas (not just spaghetti). It was a bit of a surprise albeit a pleasant one.

We were watching Polish TV the other day and saw...get this...“Poop and Scoop Barbie” (this may not be the actual name, but it’s the one I came up with). She comes with a small dog that poops and a pooper scooper. Have we really run out of ideas for Barbie? What’s next “Kitty Litter Barbie?”

I finallyfound a way to learn a bit of Polish with the kids. I am learning the Polish alphabet and numbers by watching Sesame Street in Polish. It may sound silly, but with the letter of the day and number of the day, I’ll have the alphabet and numbers down in about a month. Sesame Street also pronounces the words which is very helpful. I never imagined when I was a child that I would be learning a new language with Sesame Street 25 years later.

The English weekly papers I receive are full of funny stories that are actually news. Some communist minded thinking still exists here as you can see from the following: Some homeless guy was arrested for insulting the Polish president and breaking wind at the mention of the president’s name. He told the paper that he “was drinking with the Russian guy, Oleg,” (as if we all know who Oleg is!) and did not remember much. He was acquitted. The court ruled that “an intoxicated person cannot in effect insult the president of the Republic of Poland.” Glad they took their time in thinking that through! It’s the way that they describe these incidents that makes it funny. The other funny one was one about Poles filling up their cars with vegetable oil. One guy said that he would “start my car with normal petrol, but when the engine warms up, I change over to food oil. I can travel up to 30,000 km and everything is fine.”

Very amusing!

Darkness falls across the land...

The weather and darkness is getting to us now. This is different from the depression I have felt in the past. It’s more physical than it is psychological or emotional. No matter how much sleep we get, we tend to get tired and sleepy in the mid afternoon when the sun sets at 3:30 PM.

The other problem is the weather. I’m used to sunny days. Last week a dense fog has set in and it did not go away until Friday. The weekend was clear and sunny – for the first time in weeks. I knew about the lack of sunlight in the winter and I thought that getting out during the day would help, but the weather is so grey. Thing 1 saw the sun through the fog the other day and told me that it was trying to say hello. It needs to speak up! Last week, I could actually look directly at the sun without getting blinded by the light because of the fog.

Temperatures have been above normal in the 40’s/50’s during the day and 30’s in the evening. No snow in our forecast at this time

Back in the driver's seat

Since I started driving around I have noted additional quirks about driving here. For the most part most things are the same. Cars, contrary to what people think, are not all small. Many people have SUV’s and vans. There is also the “Smart Car.” I saw this in Virginia over the summer so I think it has made it’s way to the US . Here is the their website: http://www.smartcarofamerica.com/.

Parking spaces are smaller here and I tend to park out further so that I have space to park. Roads are not very small, but since cars park on the side of the road, it makes it narrow. I haven’t had any problems navigating though.

Traffic signals here look the same as they do in the US, but they do have one thing that differs. Right before a red light turns green, drivers get a flashing yellow light to alert them that the signal is about to change. I think the reasoning behind this has to do with the fact that the majority of European cars have manual transmission. The yellow light allows drivers to shift gears a few seconds before the green light. This is brilliant and would be great in the US especially in Florida where some people seem to have a 3 second delay between the light turning green and their actual movement forward.

Stop signs are also the same as in the US except you don’t necessarily find them at every intersection. I just stop out of habit whenever I note an intersection with no lights or signs. But otherwise, if no one is coming you don’t really have to stop. Speed limits are also not consistent. Some roads have speed limits in km, but some of the main roads seem like the German autobahn. People go really fast and you really have to check all mirrors before changing lanes.

Making left turns is also interesting. People pull out into the intersection in a line (similar to the US) to wait for an opportunity to turn. However, people that are way in the back of that line have no problems creating an alternate line on either side of you. So, waiting to turn you may have about 5-6 cars in the queuing area and then when the light turns red all 6 proceed to merge on to a sometimes one lane road.

Gas prices are much higher than in the US. You pay by the liter, not gallon, and each liter is about 3.79 zloty which is about 1.30 USD PER LITER!!! That’s about 5.20 USD PER GALLON! For my Honda CRV, it costs me about $80 USD (that includes VAT which I will get back) to fill up. Before we moved, I believe I paid about $37-40 USD to fill up. The nice thing is that since The Cat in the Hat takes the bus to work and I travel only locally, it lasts for 2 weeks. Plus, we only have 1 car now so it is cheaper anyway.

Servicing my car is easier than I thought. The American Community Association (ACA) has a mechanic that will drive my car to the Honda dealership, request the service, wait for the car and return it to the Embassy when completed. I don’t have to wait anymore. I have an appointment this week to get my all weather tires and winter service.

No matter the expense, I love being able to drive. Even if I don’t go anywhere, I like to know that I can and that I don’t have to call someone to pick me up. Plus, it’s the only way to really orient myself to the city. I need my brain to make these new connections.